Family Debts

I did a funeral this morning for Dr. Luther Marsh. He was eighty. He had been sick. Life had been getting increasingly difficult for him. His death did not rob him of any life. It did help him into the next phase of his life at just the right time. The state of the family was the outstanding feature of this funeral. The daughters, Laura and Debbie, were radiant. Their happiness and humor filled everyone with light. I was blessed just standing with them.

This is not how all funerals are. Some cannot be. Sudden deaths leave families reeling. Some deaths are so tragic that a sense of proportion is going to be months, even years, down the road. Now and then, though, a funeral is wrapped like the one today—wrapped in brighter colors. The difference? The difference is that sometimes a family has had the time, inclination and courage to live with its emotional debts paid up. Sometimes the people who should have showed up did. The words of encouragement, apology and forgiveness found their way into all the right ears and hearts before death came. The members of the surviving family expressed care and love for each other. No one child had to be seen as "the one who really cared." No one had to be designated "black sheep" just to expiate the guilt of the family. Somehow, in the face of great challenges, a family can come to the shadow of the valley of death all paid up. As their loved one moves into the valley, the family pauses and, then, moves together out of the shadows into the light as the journey of life continues with joy.

I was there today. I saw it happen. It made me think about my own debts. I have some apologies to make and some forgiveness to give before I should come to an end. Right now the end of my life could leave a ragged edge or two. Right now I don't want some folks to die because I still have relational business to do with them. Perhaps I should get to it!